Here is another CIDA weekly reflection question post. I hope you enjoy!
How have you found maintaining an attitude of respect and openness while in situations where cultural protocols, etiquettes, gender roles and social systems differ from what you are accustomed to or comfortable with?
Although I have experienced a lot of differences in South Africa I have found none have completely shocked me or been difficult for me to adjust to. I have had minor issues with veganism and people asking me if I am crazy or proclaiming it stupid, but this is nothing I am not used to in Canada. Other than some problems I have had with overt racism (which I discuss below) the only major change is adjusting to African time.
I already mentioned my trouble adjusting to people's different standards of punctuality in my last reflection question post. I promised that I would provide updates and I am happy to report that I am getting more accustomed to this. I would be lying if I said that it didn't both me at all when people were running late here, but I definitely don't have steam shooting out my ears any more. I believe that this is a lesson learned in patience, and this is teaching me to stop being so rushed and rigid. The North American way of life is always so focused on cramming as much stuff as possible into a day. This seems to leave me exhausted, stressed and cranky. Here, I learning that sometimes I will simply not be able to accomplish some things that I was hoping to; but that is okay. It is not the end of the world if I cannot make it to the grocery store before it gets dark and I have to eat a sub-par dinner. Sometimes I will not be able to squeeze in a run before it gets dark, so I do a work-out dvd instead. It is still an adjustment for me, but I think that overcoming this is really helping me to learn to relax.
Are you experiencing any feelings or observing any scenarios that makes you reflect on issues of power, equality, racism or oppression?
Out of the issues of power addressed in this question the one that most stood out to me was racism. I was warned by many people before coming to South Africa that the racial divide was still apparent. I have had several people point out instances of social norms that reflect segregation ( for example, "Don't go to that bar..") as well as witnessed some overtly racist comments. All of these situations have made me feel uncomfortable, especially because these comments are always said matter-of-fact-ly. However, I tried not to dwell on the situation and tried to let it slide off my back.
This past Friday was a different story all together.
Ryan, Amelia and I accompanied two new friends Junita and Dennis out for dinner to a Chinese restaurant called Delicious. For the purpose of the story I think it is important to mentioned that Dennis and Junita are also Caucasian. We had a server (also Caucasian) seemed a bit strange from the start of our meal, but I thought he was just trying to be friendly. While the others enjoyed their entrées (I simply had tea! No safe vegan options at this restaurant) our server made his way over to chat some more with us. He began openly bashing South Africa claiming he "couldn't wait to get out of this %&$#hole" and continued to talk about what a terrible place it was, placing special emphasis on the "problem" with the people here. He went on to explain that he was "a proud Nazi" and made several other extremely prejudice and racist comments that I would rather not repeat. I felt so extremely uncomfortable, tried to tune him out and wanted to get up and leave the restaurant immediately. As my friends were in the middle of their meal I did not have much of a choice but to stay, but I felt sick to my stomach even looking at him for the rest of the evening. My friends are I quickly debriefed after he left our table about how horrified we were by his behaviour which helped me to calm down. I have never experienced such overt hatred from anyone and was in complete shock. This scenario was on my mind all weekend and I really reflected on the situation. I feel sad for our server that those are his feelings, and really regret bowing my head and tuning him out instead of standing up to his comments. I am a firm believer that expressing your opinion (in the right way) is a necessary catalyst for change. Although I hope to never be in this situation ever again I realize now that a simple comment such as, "I do not feel that way" may have had a huge impact on the situation. I believe that this experience really reminded me how important speaking up about issues that you believe in are, and I know that I will certainly not be silent again.
What have you learned as a result of immersing yourself in a different culture?
I feel that I have learned so much by immersing myself in the culture here about Being World Ready as well as about myself.
I believe that my experiences so far have made me more World Ready and really helped me to expand my understanding of other cultures. I grew up in a fairly large town that is very multicultural in Canada and this always had a huge impact on my life. Growing up I was always exposed to other foods, languages, religions and learned to adapt to interacting with people who had a drastically different culture than me. I think that my time in South Africa so far has really increased my awareness of being sensitive to other cultures even more.
Further, I have learned that when you give a little and try to understand other people's culture and way of life they are just as willing to learn about yours. I am coming to see that if you do not know something or you are confused in a situation you should simply ask people about it. I feel lucky to have made quite a few South African friends so far that I know I can turn to for information if something is new to me. I never feel insecure or silly like I have in the past; my friends understand that what seems like a normal daily thing for them may be strange to others. By asking questions instead of remaining silent in situations I feel that I really got a grasp on a lot of cultural traditions and practices and it has helped me to learn so much more in this short period of time.
I have also learned a lot about myself in my month and a bit here. I have really proven to myself that I am much more open-minded and outgoing than I thought. I really proud that I have stepped outside my comfort zone so many times here and I think that it has really helped me through culture shock and to get through any bouts of homesickness I have faced so far. This has given me a huge boost in my confidence and made me feel like I can face challenges head on both here and for the rest of my life.
Can you identify beliefs, values and behaviours that form the basis for respectful relationships in your host community?
I would say that being polite is a major factor in respectful relationships. When you meet someone greeting them with a hello, smile and a handshake are all a good place to start. Asking people questions about their life and career are also important. Asking questions and getting people to talk about themselves is something that I always do in Canada because I think showing a genuine interest in someone is really important in earning their respect.
I believe appearance is also important. South Africans seem to dress on the more conservative side and in my experience it seems to be quite important for respect as well. I have seen many eyebrows raised and sideways glances at women wearing short skirts here. I feel very lucky that I also tend to dress more conservatively as I would be embarrassed to wear something more revealing.
Finally, I believe the language you use is important to build respect as well. Not using slang and cursing are obvious ones. I speak professionally and always ensure to thank people for inviting me to their events or speaking with me. For the most part it seems pretty much the same as establishing respect in Canada!
That is all for this week. I will have more questions and answers soon!
